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Always designing & dieting

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It's an epic battle...

and it's happening within myself.

Most times I have things under control, and I can keep my life in order, my choices smart, my lifestyle healthy. But I have this other woman who lives inside me and sometimes she brakes free. I try to keep her locked up inside, for my own good. But once i let her start to rear her ugly head- she ends up taking over. She makes me do things I clearly should not. She's the one who convinces me to eat an entire box of cookies, or go through more than one drive through at dinner time. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile.

I TRY to keep her locked up but sometimes she gets out. And when she gets out- better lock down the food. Lately she's been out and trolling around Las Vegas. The truth is, I don't have a split personality. But I AM a binge eater. And lately I am having a hard time controlling it.

So, why oh why would I go out to a buffet when I know I cant handle food right now????
Ugh, I feel gross. I have been yo-yoing for a month- i thought I might have broken my plateau this week. One day I had made it to the 163's. This morning I went to WW and lost the 2.8 pounds I gained 2 weeks ago. 

So, how did I celebrate the loss???? The Buffet??? WTF?!
I tried to keep myself in line, I went for the Veggies first... but then my eyes glazed over when I saw the buffet spread. And I found myself getting back up for seconds, thirds- ahhhh--- even fourths!!!! And then I knew the crazy bitch was out of her cage. 

I am not going to give up, I wont, I will keep fighting my inner-food-crazed monster. She may have won todays battle, but I swear I will win this war.

Till next time, one of my personalities, will see you lighter!


  1. I'm not a pollyanna by any means, but I very conciously stopped using the words "battle" and "struggle" in regards to my eating and my weight. "Battles" are fought with weapons and something has to be defeated, destroyed or killed in order for them to end. "Struggle" sounds like more conflict -- perhaps not so violent, but still that thing about winning vs. losing.

    And while I totally get that thing about your internal voice (I call it my "inner adolescent"), it's never going to be quelled if you shout and call it names and try to stifle it. On the other hand, if you can think and act kindly towards it with generosity and understanding, it might hand the reins of control back over to you, even if reluctantly.

    Just my two cents.

    Your Mileage May Vary.

  2. I just found your blog and I will definitely be back. I am currently on my own weight loss mission, and for the past week or two I've been off the wagon. I have that same person inside me that can't say no to food, and it's really annoying!

    Good luck to you with your goals. I look forward to reading more while you're on your journey.

    Have a great week.

  3. So what if you have fallen to a craving every once in awhile...get back on that wagon!! You can do this!! Think about that goal of yours! I screwed up this weekend too and went overboard on a lot of foods... but today is a new day! =) You got this!

  4. I Sooooooooo understand that inner fat chick that keeps pushing her weight around!!

    Keep fighting the good fight!