Sorry that I have been MIA since my birthday- please feel free to check out my other blog: http://thebiggestloserchallenge2009.blogspot.com/ as I will be updating that more frequently for the time being.
I can not believe today is the day. Sort of anticlimactic actually. HAH!
As promised I went to WW and weighed in at: 160 pounds. Kinda far from my goal. But if you would have asked me a year and a half ago if I ever thought I could seriously lose 40 pounds. I would have said No. In fact I had very little confidence that I could ever change my life or my appearance. And then little by little I started making small changes. And those small changes started adding up. Now I fully believe that I will hit my goals, I am proud of myself thus far.
In retrospective, it isnt just the number on the scale that is important, it's other stuff too. It's the other accomplishments that really mean something, its the reward from working hard. So I decided to list those, just to remind myself.
30 Changes & Accomplishments:
3o. I actually like taking pictures of myself again!
29. I have elbows that "point" again
28. My double chin has shrunk considerably
27. My skin is so much clearer
26. My upper arms are rounded instead of totally flat- they actually have definition
25: My rings are loose!
24: I enjoy shopping for clothes again.
23: I am taking more pride in my appearance
22. I actually enjoy the feeling of hunger, I can appreciate it. (I know that sounds weird)
21. I ran 2 5ks this year!
20. I played on a soccer team during the spring.
19. I scored a goal!
18. My collar bones are starting to come out again!
17. You can start to see my spine
16. I can feel my ribs again!
15. I can get drunk off 2 drinks again! haha
14. My neighbor told me yesterday that she didn't recognize me because I lost weight (the last time I saw her was 2 months ago)
13. My co-worker commented, "look how good Luzanne looks!" to another co-worker
12. I get full rather quickly.
11. My feet have gotten smaller! ( i didnt know they did that)
10. My Fiance seems to really like my new look : )
9. I dont get winded by doing a simple task.
8. Crossing my legs again.
7. i had to buy a new bathing suit because the other was too loose.
6. Fitting into old clothes!
5. When I put my hair up, my neck looks much thinner than it use to.
4. My boobs stick out further then my belly!
3. Shaving my legs is easier.
2. Taking (and loving) a Zumba class.
1. Changing my entire view of my life and my abilities.
I may not have hit my mark by my 30th birthday, but I am really proud of what I accomplished so far this year. And I absolutely know that in the next year I will hit my ultimate goal (less than 130). I may be taking it slow, but I will get there- just you watch me.
So, I realized that I miscalculated and maybe today should have been day "0" since my postings counted down to my birthday. Then again maybe it SHOULD be a one since technically this is the first day of the next year of my new life.
See ya lighter!
Also, thanks to everyone for your support through this personal challenge. Your comments have meant so much to me along the way. Merci!!!! XOXOX
Less than one hour until the BIG day! I can't believe it is almost here— and that I am spending my last minutes in my twenties blogging! I feel like I should be out doing something crazy and uninhibited. Like sky diving, or just drinking myself into oblivion!
I gotta tell ya though, I am starving right now! I didnt really eat dinner. I am hoping to pull some sort of loss at the 11th hour. Even if I have to restrict my intake, it would be worth it if the scale shows some movement. Tomorrow I am going to have an official WW weigh in and I will report the results to you ASAP.
Sigh... well I better go... I have only 40 minutes left to go run the streets naked- or something like that! See you all tomorrow--- keep those fingers crossed that I wake up weighing 130. HAH! I'll need a miracle for that...
Lately, I've been posting negative postings about how frustrated and angry I have been at myself for not being committed to losing, even though things are really hard with company the past couple weeks. Unstructured time is hard, but it's life! And today something really wonderful happened- my grandma got married! It was a really nice moment and I want to concentrate on that today. I dont want to feel bad because I ate a piece of their wedding cake. I cant keep stressing myself out over the scale thing (as I always do). Who cares if I dont lose any more weight before my birthday? I've come a long way!
Yesterday i bought the dress I wore to the wedding- at a boutique! AND IT FITS. In fact, I bought 4 dresses! It was a great feeling to know that I could do that. I can now pick out a nice dress in one day, one store- actually only one hour! Being able to do that is a huge, huge accomplishment for me... as much as losing on the scale.
I want to be thankful for all these great things happening in my life... like our families and how great it's been to share these moments with them. Even if I don't lose another pound before my birthday weigh in- wonderful things are happening around me and I need to concentrate on that too.
Not a completely wasted day, but I may have gone a bit overboard with the chips and salsa at dinner. Plus no time for exercise. Sorry if my posts have been boring lately- but when real life starts taking over, my internet life suffers : (. I promise I will be back & better than ever soon. I miss reading everyone else's blogs... thanks for your continued encouragement!
I'm jumping back on the plan. Today I had a good day. Probably because i slept in until 2 pm! Pretty good food choices up until late evening when I had a slice of the leftover strawberry shortcake from yesterday. But the cake is made with fruit- so it cant be completely bad for me - right? Then I went for a mile long walk up to Walgreens (although I bought some gummy worms while there) AND I did 30 min. on the elliptical! (and then drank a beer & vodka shot).
Okay, so maybe I'm not perfect but I did a hella lot better than I have the past few days- so I guess thats improvement.
See ya lighter.
Oh, btw I am skipping my ww meeting tomorrow so I can go on my actual birthday.
I am so frustrated!!!! I just want to eat healthy but with family in town and no structure- It is so hard!!!! I am not mad at myself - I'm just really frustrated. I feel like no matter what my intentions are I cant pull through - and I feel like it's out of my hands. So many curveballs and so much stress. I sort of feel like I've put a lot of pressure on myself to lose a lot of weight this week to end my challenge on a higher note. But I just cant control shit and it's driving me CRAZY!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I love having family here I just wish I could stick with my diet when they are around.
So as you may or may not know, in weight watchers every time you drop into a new bracket of numbers you must adjust the amount of points you can have daily. Now that I have reached 159 pounds I am down to 21 points. And if you have been following my blog you know that I honor the old point with a little poem. So here goes...
FIRST The good news is- my 159 stuck!!! I pulled a 159.8 at today's weight watchers meeting! YAY! totally excited about that.
Now for the Bad news. I made a very poor decision to go to the buffet afterward.
Seriously what the F*&K was I thinking???!!!!!
Well, I paid for that decision big time.
I knew the second we got to the table it was a bad idea. I only filled up my plate once and then split a plate of crab legs with The Fiance. But the food I filled my plate with.... I am just so ashamed.
I wish I could say that I learn from my mistakes. But for me food is my alcohol. It's my drug of choice. On a whim I can scarf down two - three thousand calories. And I always end up feeling bad about myself.
I felt like such a glutton even being there.
I was just hoping and praying I didn't see anyone from weight watchers as I chowed down on all those fatty foods.
But just like alcohol, when I ingest too much at one time, I pay for it.
I'm sorry if this is TMI, but within 30 minutes, I was paying for it. I had bubble gut ALL DAY LONG. It is amazing how I use to be able to eat like that all the time and not feel the effect. Now, I am reeling from it. And I have been over and over...
I guess the weight loss gods are trying to teach me a lesson. Will I ever learn?
I just got a glimpse of it, I don't know how long I will keep it... or how it happened but this is what I saw this morning when I stepped on the scale. At first, it shocked me. I had to take a second look because I didn't recognize the shape of the numbers to the ones I normally see (161.8, 162.2, 16o.2, etc). I actually got on and off several times to make sure it wasn't some kind of weird fluke.
It said 159.8...
I don't know how it happened. I really don't. All week I have been pulling 160-162. Maybe it was the 14+ hours of sleep I got last night. Maybe it was my planning yesterday... What ever it is that caused that moment I am going to savor it. I am going to hope and pray that it lasts and that I can continue my journey into the 50's.
Please hold tight 159- at least till tomorrow's weigh in.
My schedule was a bit crazy and despite my efforts to plan I had some unexpected changes in my schedule. I did okay, probably a little better b/c I planned. Lunch was a disaster b/c I had given blood a half hour before and they wanted me to eat something sweet when I was done- I ende up eating 2 cookies and skipping lunch. Then I was at a photo shoot and missed my opportunity to eat my snack so I ended up grabbing a bag of Lays baked potato chips. Dinner was almost normal, except that I ate a whole tortilla instead of half... and then there was the ice cream.
I will be planning for tomorrow and hopefully since it is a lazy saturday, I will do better.
I realized something- when i lose the most weight on WW it's because I have a plan for the next day. I plan all my meals in my tracker with pencil then re-write it in pen as I eat. The better I plan the better I do. Then right before I fall asleep, I visualize myself sticking to my plan the next day.
When I go into a day being able to make my own choices on a whim I end up eating pizza & cupcakes (like today, when we had lunch catered at work). Normally, that's fine. I'm okay with eating a slice of pizza here and there BUT, I am not going to lose this weight being sloppy and letting myself give in to these impulse meals. I've been letting myself slide the past couple days and it is showing up on the scale. Gotta reign this shit in...
So tomorrow it's back to following my plan. The meal plan I just wrote in my tracker.
Yesterday the Fiance and I decided to head to the local casino to catch the Steelers game (since it wasnt on regular TV). Since this was our first game out of the house of course we had to "represent".
"Go put your jersey" the Fiance urged "I bet it fits you better". Hmmm... that's right! I haven't worn my jersey since last January. (It's one of the cute ladies versions with the synched waists.) I love that jersey, I just got it last Christmas. Wearing it just makes you feel like your on the team or something.
So, I went to get my sized Large jersey and slipped over my head, "Wow, your right it's loose! The numbers look much larger than I remember, huh. What do YOU think?"
"Woah... yeah, your stomach doesn't hang out from underneath it anymore..."
"What!?" Are you serious my stomach hung out under it?! I didnt know that!"
"Well it WAS tighter, It was pretty snug around your stomach."
"Damn! And I thought it looked good all that time... "
Well, I happy to say now it does not look like that anymore. I looked in the mirror again. It does feel a little too loose now... maybe it's time for a different size.
Or one of those cute little midriff ones- HAHA! Not yet.......... patience grasshopper.
and not very good. As far as what I ate I did alright, but I had a very emotional day and almost threw it all out the window and binged. I am lucky that I decided not to. Food will not solve my problems not tonight, not ever.
I weighed in at WW, with a loss of .4 and Total of 35 so far.
It's true. I admit it--- I went for an awesome 2 hour and 15 minute hike and then followed it up with 2 pieces of pizza, 5 wings, 2 reeses pieces minis and cherry cobbler ala mode... Shameful! Think of the weight I would have lost had I just eaten a salad instead!
Oy... at least I earned that fattening dinner. I mean I'm not proud of my choice, but it I was going to do it, at least I burned a shit-ton (990, to be exact) calories before hand.
This is a constant game of checks and balances. But, I need to shape up here. It's okay to give yourself some lee-way but the past couple days I've been slacking with the snacks and fatty shit. I need to cut it out. Straight up. I need to get serious. No junk food tomorrow. Best behavior.
Girl Scout promise.
(Did someone say girl scout - cookies? ....mmmm...)
Why do you have such powerful effects on me? Why, oh why are you so hard to resist? What is it about you that can throw me into a tailspin?!
It's my biggest trigger & the most unrelenting temptation its... FREE FOOD!!!
What is it about free food that makes me totally forget I'm on my diet?! Ugh. I feel awful. Cheese burger sliders of all flavors at our catered work outing tonight. Yeah, not pretty.
I wish I could walk into a party and be able to ignore the food around me. I wish I could have complete control. I wish I could walk in with no fear. These edibles, presented so perfectly, are always whispering, "eat me... you know you want to...I'm delicious." It's like a thousand little voices over and over in my head....
The idea that I can eat as much as I want (wether it's tasty or not) for free consumes me. Why is that?! It just always in my face, I think about it the whole time. I just want to keep filling my plate like it's my last meal. I try to go in with a mental game plan. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't. ******Sigh******** Another new habit I have to practice, practice, practice.
And now I'm paying the price. Belly pains from all this fatty , greasy garbage churning in my stomach. Yeah, that will teach me! I've really learned my lesson- that is until the next picnic/luncheon/buffet/family meal.
I need to get this shit under control if I'm going to make it through the holidays.
Please, Please help me learn to handle this.
(Wo)man, I need suggestions! I want to break free- from the free-for-all.
Okay, I am trying something the next couple days, and it is going to take some adjusting to. I have heard it a thousand times and I have never really adapted the technique into my real life. I always grew up skipping breakfast, starving at lunch and ravished by dinner stuffing my face with everything in sight. Oh and midnight snack? Sure, why not?
I am prepared to go where I have never gone before. I am going to shake things up. I am going to start eating a dinner-sized breakfast, and a breakfast-sized dinner. I know this is going to be hard for me. But I also know that when you eat a big breakfast it keeps you full way past lunch, actually the whole day. Seriously, so full that you dont need afternoon snacks— especially if your breakfast has a lot of protein.
The trick is not to overeat at dinner. That is going to be the hard part. I am so accustomed to having my biggest meal at night. Plus dinner is a chance for The Fiance and I to spend some time together. So, I really look forward to that meal.
The worst possible outcome is I would have a big breakfast big lunch and then eat a huge dinner. Ultimately gaining weight. I don't know - the whole thing could backfire on me.
I'll keep you posted.
See ya lighter,
Oh, and about yesterday's post - you were right- I have to be patient. (Down to 160.8 this morning). Feeling slightly embarrassed about yesterdays outburst now.
Warning- this content may not be suitable for happy people.
I am so furious right now that I could punch my diet in the face. I woke up this morning and hopped on the scale expecting at least a little bit of loss. After all, I wrote down every damn calorie (even overestimated) and then worked out for 66 minutes on the elliptical. I had a deficit of almost 800 calories! So.... I at least expected it to go down .2.. thats reasonable right? I mean you have to burn 3,500 calories to lose a pound. So that makes sense, RIGHT?
Apparently not. Apparently after a day like that you gain a pound. A pound! So, now I am back up to 163. UGHHHHHHH!!!!! What the FUCK?! Sorry for my language. Actually you are getting off easy. The Fiance heard every dirty word in the book this morning, as I tossed the toothpaste across the bathroom. Yeah, I am pretty pissed can you tell?
I already know what everyone is going to tell me about how this could happen...yeah, I already know all that. But I am reacting on pure emotion right now. When you want something so bad, and you work so hard for it and then the opposite happens---it's a defeating feeling. It makes you question everything you know about weight loss. And frankly it makes me mad at my body. Why are you doing this to me???? Why do you keep hanging on to this FAT?! Don't you want me to make you thin?
Ugh, I am sorry to spew such negative energy. But this is how I'm feeling. No matter how much I know better, how much I try to not let it bother me.... It does!
See ya lighter... if I'm lucky. Super-duper lottery lucky. Sheeeesh.
So excited to start the new challenge- and I feel even better that I have a good group to do it with. Thanks to everyone who plans to join!!!! I created some buttons if you want to put them on your page and display your blue & yellow proudly.
I am trying to compile a list of people who are participatin
g so we can all give each other support along the way.
Getting a bit tired- so i think I will keep it
short tonight- I am sure I will have a lot more to say tomorrow- after "the show" of course!
Last week I mentioned that I am aiming to lose 25 pounds during this season of Biggest Loser. I received some positive response. With almost 1 week down I thought I would go ahead and post my starting picture and stats. If you are interested in joining along, I welcome you!!! If we can't be on the show- we'll bring the show to us!!!
I was very inspired after reading the blog entries following the Missouri 60 challenge and now I want to start a new challenge for all of us who are inspired by this show. So, let's put down the ice cream, get off the couch and work out while we watch the show! Let's commit to it! If you cant workout at a gym see if you can create a fitness routine that you can do from your living room floor every Tuesday from 8-10.
Instead of just watching the contestants change their bodies, let's join them. So at the end of the season when they reveal their new look- we can too! And we don't even need to live on The Ranch to do it!
Today I was doing a little house cleaning when I found several old dieting notebooks. I use to keep a diary of my food intake in these notebooks- I would label it at the top "Day One", "Day Two", "Day Three". It was sad- they never went past Day Three. I always gave up. I looked at these erratically filled journals and felt bad for myself.
Actually I felt bad for my old self. These little reminders were evidence of the old days and the desperation I would feel when I would go on these short-lived health kicks. I wanted to lose weight so bad. I so was unhappy with myself. But attempt after attempt proved unsuccessful. Sometimes I am surprised that I finally was able to break free of that cycle and push through. So I wondered what was different this time? Why did it finally work?
I honestly think it was when I realized that perseverance is way more important than perfection. The biggest reason I have been able to lose 34+ pounds is the fact that I kept going this time. No matter how bad you do in one day you have to pull yourself up and keep going- look to the long term. We can't expect to diet and exercise for 2-3 weeks and suddenly become skinny. We need to stop giving up on ourselves. Stop focusing on being perfect. That gets old. Just keep trying everyday. And realize that we will hit plateaus and sometimes unmotivated weeks or months.
I wish I could say I didn't let the scale bother me- I wish I could say that I understand that fluctuations are a completely normal part of losing weight. Unfortunately I can't say that.
I was a little disappointed when I saw the scale this morning and it said I had gained a pound- I was surprised b/c of yesterdays Zumba workout AND because I had eaten below 2,000 calories.
I am trying to convince myself that it was okay and that the scale would even out. I have my doubts.
I have to give kudos to @WeightDummy. After reading her post: Fear Factor: Stepping on the Scale. (http://losingweightforadummy.blogspot.com/2009/09/fear-factor-stepping-on-scale.html) I am starting to realize I NEED to be more accepting of the way my body looses weight. I have to stop beating myself up and agonizing over the fluctuations-
I just HATE seeing those numbers go back up when I am working hard. : (
Note: I did not take this picture, this was NOT my class
It's sort of like a rave or maybe a music festival— without the hallucinogens.
Tonight was my first Zumba class. My friend and I went on a whim after @ShoottheMoon convinced me that it was so much fun. Her words probably describe it better than mine: "It is dance fitness, a combination of latin dance and aerobics. real answer: THE MOST FUN U CAN HAVE @ GYM"
I totally agree- It really, really is!
It's a class where you can dance and smile and have a good time. And it really doesn't matter what you look like because the steps change seem to change every 5 seconds. And honestly, no one else knew what they were doing either.
The instructor reminded me a little of a "lot kid". Honestly, It was sort of odd. She was dressed like a break dancer, orange shoes, orange pants and neon colored bracelets and hoop earrings. I wasn't sure if she was going to whip my ass in shape or sell me doses in the parking lot. I didn't have a lot time to think about it because within seconds of the music starting people were dancing- full body dancing. And without reservation.
My first thought was, "wow... I do this all the time- but usually in my closet or when no one is looking. HA!" What a realization!!! Awesome- I could do this in public!!!! Without ridicule!
You would think I would have felt extremely silly. But after the instructor said "everybody moves differently... we aren't trying to be perfect here." It was like a free for all. I felt like Phoebe (from Friends) when she would go running all wild arms flailing. In case you have no clue what I am talking about: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfaztVg4kaA)
It was so different then any other fitness class— I enjoyed it! I wasn't watching the clock the whole time- It was so much fun! And it was THE BEST workout I've had in a LONG time.
I am SURE I will be going again & I encourage you to go if you have never been.
See ya lighter!
Just curious....have you taken a Zumba class? what did YOU think?
I finally made up my WW meeting this morning and I am pleased to announce a WHOLE NEW LOW- 161.6.
The last few days I have been really monitoring myself using caloriecount.com and I think it is paying off! I am only 1.6 pounds away from my college weight- my FRESHMAN year weight. Back then I thought I was sooooooo fat. I had just gained the "Freshman 30" and it only took a few months. Now, I am overjoyed to be back here again. I never thought it would happen. I am almost back to the weight I was at 12 years ago! What a great feeling!
Now its only a matter of time till I get down to my high school weight (130)... ; )
You have no idea how happy I am. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I know I probably sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. I take this show very seriously.
I was so motivated by it, that I lost 20 pounds during last season. And when it was over I was so depressed. Every week I would work out for 30 min- 2 hours while the show was on. Just watching the contestants made me realize that I could do what they were doing. If they had the strength, courage and determination to change their lives (and bodies) on national TV I could do it too!
I'm excited about the cast this season. And I love the theme of the show... Second Chances. If I had to pick a couple of my favorites so far I would have to say... Abbey, Sean & Shay. My heart just went out to Abbey, you can just tell she has overcome so much- she needs this in her life. I have a feeling with her optimistic personality- she can inspire so many.
I also get very emotional about the show too... the Fiance calls it a bawlfest. And tonight was no different. Within the first three minutes I had tears in my eyes. When he came in the living room he said, "You're not crying already are you??? You are! Oh boy, It's gonna be a long season."
I hope it is- because I have committed to lose 25 pounds during this season- 5 more than last. And I know I can do it- won't you join me?
Till the big day- my birthday. I am excited about what I will look like. I feel like I am on a roll and could definitely get down to the low 150's by the big day. I have pretty much accepted that 130 by 30 wont happen. I am actually okay with it. Kinda bummed- but I am also totally pumped because I know that I can still make a big change by October 14th. And if I ended up reaching 150 I would be totally overjoyed.
One thing I hope to accomplish before my 30th is to run one more 5k. I am thinking the Saturday before the 14th. We started training again tonight. The weather is finally tolerable (78 degrees) and I think it's *starting* to cool down for Fall.
I was surprised that I actually finished the 3 miles tonight, I only stopped briefly when I was at the crossings. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it though. My legs were a bit rubbery and my belly still felt full from dinner. But once I started to let my mind drift I got into "the zone."
I just kept picturing myself at 159 pounds... then 150.. then 130... then 125. I thought about what i would look like if I lost ten more pounds and tried to guess where it would come from- hopefully my thighs! I pictured running into people I haven't seen in a while and what I would look like at Christmas when my family sees me again. When I let my mind wander to those things it was easy to run. I just kept thinking about it and made me want to push myself, burn more calories- finish!
I'm almost to my personal finish line (October. 14) and I still want to hit some goals- I just need to push through...
What's that old saying-If you can believe it you can achieve it?
I was so scared that I gained and I figured I would make it up the meeting later in the week. So I consciously decided not to set my alarm and just go ahead and sleep through. When I woke up at 11:30 (a half hour after the meeting started) I decided, "what the hell, I will jump on the scale and assess the damage..".
Much to my utter shock and surprise the scale said I was down! I had to get on and off it 3 times to believe it. Was I seeing things? Did the scale say 162.6? What the H-E-double hockey sticks!? Did I ever mention how much I LOVE my scale? HA!
I'm down!!!! How the hell did that happen?! One thing is for sure though- i was kicking myself in the butt for not going to WW... now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that I can keep it that way (or lower!) until I can make it into another meeting this week.
In other non- scale related news, The Fiance and I are headed to Costa Rica over my birthday, so I was looking at our passports and was almost floored when I opened mine. The picture was taken about one month before I started WW (April 2008). I looked soooo Fat!!! Even the Fiance commented, "wow... you HAVE lost a lot of weight."
That was a good feeling and hard proof that... yeah... I have. : )
I woke up feeling awful this morning, my stomach was sour, my head was pounding and I had a fever. If it wasn't for one magic tylenol I found on top of my dresser I would have never made it to work this morning. Bless those people who created pain relievers.
One thing I can say is, feeling shitty made me less than hungry most of the morning and afternoon. I didn't really want to eat. That was until my appetite came back- voraciously at dinner time. The Fiance and I enjoyed a rather large Sushi dinner. I am pretty proud to say I only ate about two rolls- but I did have teriyaki chicken . Which I probably didn't need to eat. I wish it was easier to say "NO", but once that full plate is in front of me it's so hard not to just eat it all. Half way through I noticed the "body sigh"... I recognized that I was satisfied. As soon as I noticed the sigh I knew it was time to slow down. Reluctantly I pushed away my plate —but not without taking one or two more bites ; ). Even though I consumed more calories than I wanted to, I am giving myself a kudos for pushing away a plate that still had 6 pieces left on it!
Now, if you dont mind before I close this entry I would like to add one more thing. I know this is a weight loss blog and it is somewhat off the subject. But I feel compelled to add it. Today I was surprised at the lack of coverage of 9/11. It has been only eight years but I hardly saw any major stories or even tributes about it today. It's not even a trending topic. This was a shock to me, it seems like every 9/11 I see the coverage on TV and I am immediately taken back (very vividly) to that day. I remember where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. I remember it like it happened yesterday. When I watch the clips all those memories rush back. I hope we never stop looking back on that day and remembering all those people, all those heros. I hope I never forget what that day taught me: Don't take any day for GRANTED.Try your best to appreciate everything precious in your life.
Let's make a pact to never forget these people and how much this day changed our lives.
Sometimes when I am really, really hungry and I've waited too long for dinner I get a case of the shakes. It feels like my stomach is upset and I could rip someone's face off if they get in my way...
But something weird is happening today- I have a case of the shakes but I'm not hungry at all. I am a bit confused about it. I feel really weak and tired and shaky all over. The same way I am when I'm hungry. But I feel completely full and all I ate was a chicken breast and watermelon for dinner. In fact I did pretty well the whole day- I earned a "B" on my calorie analysis from caloriecount.com.
Maybe it's because of TOM... I am just SOOOO tired. Exhausted really, I could barely keep my eyes open to watch the Steelers kick ass. It sucks, because I don't even have any strength to exercise.
It just feels really weird, I am use to this feeling being accompanied by a growling tummy. But food is the last thing I want. Hmmm... what is going on?
Maybe I am getting sick. That would be just what I need. ***GROAN***
When I got home from work I cleaned the junk out of the fridge and actually threw away a half pan of brownies! I hate to waste food but I just KNEW if they sat there on the counter, they would be gone. I didn't really even like them, but it was still hard! At first I contemplated taking them to work and sharing them but then I realized, What the hell am I thinking?! I dont stand a chance with those things around tempting me. It was either me or the brownies.
I also tossed a couple bags of chips and some rolls. However, the macaroni salad convinced me to let it stay for one more day... but now I am thinking about tossing it on its ass too. That shit is mean!
I was so convinced that when they left it would be easy again. Oops! Guess what!! I was wrong. I tried to be really good today. But dinner got the best of me and I gave in and made some poor choices.
I cant be too hard on myself. I managed to work out on the elliptical- the first time I "exercised" in over a week! I only hung on for 20 minutes and I had to drag myself tooth and nail up to the gym but I did it... so that gives me home for tomorrow.
I havent weighed myself since Sunday's weigh in. Truthfully I am scared. I am scared that if I get on that scale and it says a big gain I will be so depressed. So ignorance is bliss - for all I know I am still 163.
And at this point I just want to work my butt off so that when I go to WW next week it doesn't say anything over that.
I've pretty much lost my will power- just too much going on. I am not bingeing, but I'm not making healthy choices. With the holiday, family, picnics and a fridge full of junk food, everything is working against me. But I have ONE MORE DAY to survive before the family heads home then it's back to the normal routine- back to LOSING WEIGHT!!!!
Your prayers and good weight loss vibes really paid off this week- I am down 3 pounds!
I cant believe it- I really can't! I am at the lowest weight so far in the journey- as my leader says I'm at my "highest low"- 163.2!!! The 50's are right around the corner I can feel it.
With the holiday coming up tomorrow and 2 picnics planned I have to really remind myself not to go hog wild. I don't want to slip backwards. I am back to tracking for the next few days and I hope that will keep me honest!!!
I would not say I did awesome today, but I have found a way to not be tempted by food. STAY OUT OF YOUR HOUSE & AWAY FROM THE FRIDGE! That worked for me today at least.
We spent most of the day running around, and while my meals weren't the healthiest, I wasn't doing a whole lot of snacking in between.
Who knows how tomorrow's WI in will be. I will tell you one thing- I am NOT counting calories until after they leave, its just too hard right now. However, I AM going to use the WW points and track because that is much simpler and I already know the values of most foods.
First I want to clear something up- I DID NOT miss my journaling yesterday. I actually had a blog typed up but I couldn't post it, I have no idea why but it wouldn't post. The little "Publish Post" button wasn't even available.... but anyway... moving on....
Oh, it is rough right now... I have family in from out of town. My cousin, her baby and her friend. I love the fact that they are here and I want to spend all my time with them. The problem is- I haven't exercised in three days and it is getting harder and harder to avoid all the food we have in the refrigerator. Foods I never buy. I am gracious that they have filled the kitchen up and we don't have to spend a lot of money going out. BUT IT IS SOOOOO HARD!!! Chips, frozen pizza, hot dogs, burgers, potato salad macaroni salad, ice cream... cheetos, juices, non-diet cola. OH THE HORROR... I am trying to avoid it but I cant... seriously it is taking every ounce of will power to not binge. I have already given in (several times) to temptation. I am just barely holding on though... I want to do well this week. I WAS doing well before they got here...
I am lost in the valley of doughnuts... please pray for me.
I just keep telling myself, tomorrow I will do better, tomorrow I will be stronger, tomorrow I will NOT eat Lays Potato chips "topped" with cheddar cheese macaroni salad.
Wow, this counting calories has been a huge learning experience for me! I feel like I have more control and I am more aware of my eating habits and the contents of what I am putting in my mouth.
Tonight I shocked myself. The Fiance came back to the car with 2 candy bars. Both Reesee's. One was the new dark-chocolate Reesee's peanut butter cups and the other the new whipped Reesee's candy-bar. (He knew I really wanted to try the dark chocolate one) Immediately I read the back of one- holy shit balls in space! 180 calories for a half a candy bar?! A half? That is like 20 minutes on the elliptical! GROAN! I thought about it out for a minute and figured up how much I could eat for 100 calories. So.... I had a half of a half of a half- or one small bite- for 45 calories. And a 1/2 of one Reese's cup for 52. Almost 100 calories- in two bites!!!
I made those the longest two bites I have ever taken. Ahhhh.... the sweet goodness. Two bites and I handed it back to the Fiance and said "I don't want to see these anymore."
It is amazing how much better food tastes when you are dieting— When you have to eat slow and savor every bite. Before I started dieting, I would wolf down a couple candy bars and not really taste them. I was always yearning for more... I don't think I ever really enjoyed what I was eating. Thats kind of sad- I put on 60+ pounds and it was mostly mindless eating... wow.
Here's to making every bite count & counting every bite!
I was feeling a little "stuck" today about the weight situation and I figure I need to get over the 164 pound hump that I have been squatting on for the past 4+ months. I've gone up and down- but never over!!! I can't wait to see those three little numbers 1- 5- 9. I feel like I have been in the 160's forever. So I have decided to take the route of a friend who is counting calories. Just to see if I can tighten up my dieting a little bit. I've become a little "loosey-goosey" with my point tracking. So I decided to get strict. I am still going to track- and do weight watchers, now I'm
just going to monitor it a bit closer.
So, today I joined an online calorie counter: http://caloriecount.about.com. It is great! I actually enjoyed creating my own little profile and typing in my food diary. But I am shocked!!! WOW! I forgot how many calories things have and I have been completely neglecting my BLT's (Bites, Licks, Tastes) and they have been adding up- to hundreds of calories!!! (and points)
Another great thing about this site is it gives you a nutritional report of your daily intake in a nice little pie graph— it even tells you what percentage of fats, carbs, proteins, sugar, etc. you have consumed. Now I can SEE how much of that damn sodium I've been taking in. Best of all it gives you a grade for your efforts- and I'm happy to report today's grade was an A-!
I almost didn't go to today's WW meeting. I knew I gained and I REALLY didn't want to face the scale. Why is it that I will weigh myself on my own scale everyday- you cant keep me off it- but the scale at WW is so scary??? Especially since I didn't think last weeks behavior warranted a 2 pound gain. Maybe .5 or something but 2 pounds- how depressing!!
I decided to go- because I wanted to talk to my leader and try to get her advice. She thinks I am retaining water (that is why I feel so bloated). She suggested I lay off the frozen meals and other highly processed- high sodium foods. She also said I should be eating more fruits and veggies and more lean protein.
I am glad I went, just so I have some direction for this week. However the first road block to the week was a BBQ over at @WeightDummy's. I have to give her major kudos for providing some healthier options- like veggies & baked chips and watermelon, and Nature's Own rolls. I brought my WW Key Lime Pie and some deviled eggs with light mayo. But social situations are my downfall. I have a really hard time controlling myself.
I think I did okay though I avoided alcohol and just sipped on my water bottle. I also tried to stick with the lighter stuff. The whole day I tried my best to stay away from Sodium- even though I gave in to some of the baked chips. All-in all I have to give myself a small pat on the back, because I practiced restraint- especially in the face of delicious CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES— which the Fiance ate at least 5 or 6 of in front of me.
I guess even though I wasn't perfect I've come along way- I was still able to enjoy myself and not feel intimidated by food! What a realization!
Ugh... I'm hurtn' this morning, oh wait... afternoon. Too many of my homemade cocktails... if you read yesterday's post... you know what I'm up against today.
Anyway, I am trying to bounce back with a stress-free, relaxing, rehabilitating day. I am eating simple, I need to re-hydrate and reverse the damage on the scale today. So I am eating lots of veggies, fruit smoothies and soup. AND DRINKING LOADS OF WATER. Hopefully tonight I will be ready for some exercise.
While recuperating I've been catching up on one of my favorite shows, What Not To Wear on TLC. I can totally relate to the people that are on that show. Especially today. The woman fought Stacey & Clinton every step of the way. She was so unhappy with her body that she couldn't enjoy the actual make over. Every time they told her she was beautiful you could tell that she did not believe them. It was when she said " I feel like I don't deserve it" — that was the moment I could relate to.
Most of the contestants on this show have given up on their bodies- their selves. They are perfectly content walking around wearing something that resembles a garbage bag. As always, when the makeover was done she looked 150x better. But she couldn't recognize it because she was so focused on her body and her flaws.
So many times we as overweight people hide in our clothes. We know we could look SO much better in nicer clothes that fit our bodies. Even some makeup & a sexy haircut- these are all things that we deserve- just as much as thin girls. Why do we allow ourselves to "zombie" through our lives or hide in plain clothes?
For six years my idea of dressing up was the black cotton tee shirt I bought from Wal-Mart. I hardly wore make-up and never tried to cover my frequent break outs. I let my roots grow and hadn't been to the stylist in years. Why did I let myself go for so long?
Lately, things have changed. I like dressing up, I allow myself those pleasures. Yes, the weight loss has given me the push to make a change. But I wonder why I didnt do it sooner... maybe if I felt beautiful I would have felt confident enough to lose the weight sooner.
Girls, it's time! It's time to focus on us. We need to treat ourselves like the princess we are. We can still be overweight and look good. Who knows? It may be the confidence shift we need to say we are worth it- we CAN stick to healthy eating. We ARE proud of ourselves!
Those two sentences pretty much sum it up. I tried- I really tried to be good. And for the most part I was, but probably not good enough for someone who is trying to lose weight.
First up - lunch at Chiptole- a dieter's nightmare. I swear you can just breathe-in the calories there. Before we left I glanced at Dottie's Weight Loss Zone to get an idea of what I should order (a great site btw). I ended up ordering three chicken soft tacos (10 pts) with lettuce and tomatoes- no cheese. That's not bad right? Then I had 7 chips & guacamole (5pts)- I could have done without those.
Next up- sushi for dinner. We went to a place we had never been before, it is actually in the same plaza as my weight watchers meeting. I picked that place b/c I figured it would be a good reminder for me to be good. Just knowing that I was yards away from that scale reinforced the fact that I could not go "hog wild". I ended up eating 2.5 rolls and edamame- probably more than I should have. But,I think back to before I was on WW and how I use to shovel away those rolls faster than the waitress could put them down. It wasn't uncommon for the Fiance and I to order all-you-can-eat and then eat until we exploded. Not once did I think about how many calories we were ingesting AND we did this once a week.
Today was the first time we had been out for sushi in months.
Even though I am a bit unhappy that I ate as much as I did, I still felt in control— And that I feel reeeeeeeeally happy about.
See ya lighter- oh here's Dottie's web page- check it out- it has helped me in a pinch!
Its gonna be one of those weeks where I try my ass off and I don't lose weight. Or worse :I GAIN. I don't know why, I just feel it. I feel like no matter what I do, I am not going to lose.
I am beyond disappointed in the scale- I have officially vowed not to step one foot on it until Sunday morning. I might as well only feel depressed once more the rest of this week. I am just gonna trudge forward and hold out hope that a miracle will happen.